Disappointment with being found out...

This week at work,coming out of our mind-numbing team meetings, our secretary/administrative assistant asked me where I got my mug from. "Uh, Edmonton," I said as it was a AM930 The Light (was Edmonton's equivalent of Shine FM). "Oh," she asked, "are you a christian?" Sheepishly I replied, "uhm, yes". To which she replied, "Oh that's great, so am I. I was just wondering if that radio station was maybe a sister station to Shine."

That conversation rattled me a bit... it bugged me... and it took me a bit to figure out why. Initially I was thinking, wow, how much have I changed. Used to be I'd wear Christian T-shirts (the tacky '90's kind - I still have some, I can prove how tacky they were) and hoped that people would realize I'm a Christian.... but now my T-shirts are all hidden in my drawers & I'm sort of semi-ashamed of them... and with this conversation, I felt bad about being 'found out'... and I had to ask myself if I'm now feeling ashamed to be identified with Christ....

... and yeah, a couple seconds after asking that question, I thought, nope, not ashamed of Christ, just don't want to be identified with Shine FM, or Christian mass marketing, or anything related to creating a Christian subculture that is 'safe & fun for the whole family'...

...I was disappointed I guess, not that our admin assistant found out I was a Christian but in how she found out. It would've been cool if she thought I was a Christian because of the way I showed kindness to people at the office, the way I respected them, the way I listened. Maybe I would've felt good about if she thought there was some light or passion in my eyes, if she saw some wisdom, or joy (though joy is less likely to be seen with me perhaps), peace (well, yeah, maybe peace is out, too), or something that made it look like I've been with Jesus.

Instead what she saw was a Christian marketing mug that (honestly) I'd brought to work 'cause I didn't mind if it got smashed or stolen.... but it is this, more than any of the inside stuff, which identifies me as being 'one of Christ's'....

...sad what it's all come to, eh?...

t-shirts (what we should be known for)
(words and music by derek webb - from his "I See Things Upside Down" Album)

they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

chorus
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear