An Old Story

I remember this story, told by Marilyn Elliot, a woman growing in wisdom & as a 'mystic' who I learned much from by listening to her reflect on how she was growing. She told it as part of a sermon... can't remember the sermon, but the story was powerful & one that I end up thinking about every so often.... I don't remember it exactly, she told it better, but I'll try to do my best....

Long ago, somewhere in europe, sometime in the past (B.C., I guess - before cars), there lived a wealthy, wise and somewhat older woman who was petitioned often by a man who wanted to join a monastery and wanted her to be his patron. In those days (much as it is today), people wanting to join the monastery would seek 'patrons'; wealthy people who would pay for them and provide for their 'earthly' needs while they pursued their call to the monastic life. This man knew of the wealthy woman & knew of her love for God & support of the church and thought that she would gladly help fund so noble a cause as him fulfilling his calling to a monastic life. And so he approached her, explained his situation and his intent and asked her for her reply.

To his surprise, she turned him down, saying that she was not certain that he had the right character for the monastic life. She kindly counselled him that the monastic life was likely not his calling and that he should pursue his life in the everyday world surrounded with every day people.

The man began to protest, saying that it had been his desire since childhood to sit in the presence of God, to learn more about Jesus and to give his life to knowing the heart of God. She refused again, but he would not relent and kept begging and pleading with her that she would honor his request.

Finally his persistence paid off and she relented. She told him that she would agree to be his patron, on one condition. She would pay for him to be at the monastery for one year and during that time he would lack nothing, her finances would cover it all. But, the condition was that at the end of the year, she would put him through a test and, if he passed the test, she would be his patron for life, and if he failed, he would have to leave the monastery & return to his life as it was.

Gladly the man accepted, certain that he would meet any challenge that the lady sent his way. He went to the monastery, accompanied with the lady's funds that, as she promised, provided for his every need while he was at the monastery. At the monastery, he spent much time in prayer and fasting, in meditation, in reading the Bible, in listening to great teachers. He spent time in solitude, in silence, he learned service and pursued wholeheartedly every aspect of monastic life.

As the end of the year approached, the lady sent her servants out with express instructions on how they should prepare the test for the young, would-be monk. Her servants found a prostitute on the streets and brought her in to the lady's care. They washed and bathed her in the finest oils and fragrances. The lady bought for her the finest, most beautiful and most alluring gown so that the woman shone with beauty. At the end of the year, the lady sent the prostitute in to the monastery to visit the young, would-be monk.

The next morning, the lady's carriage came to take the young lady/prostitute away. She was paid handsomely and sent on her way. Shortly after that, the lady herself came to the monastery to see whether or not the young monk had passed her test or not.

As he heard the lady approach, the young would be monk came bounding out of the monsatery, bursting with joy & happiness.

"I passed, I passed the test," he glady exclaimed. "You sent that woman in to me and, no matter how beautiful she looked, how wonderful she smelled, I felt nothing!! I felt nothing!!!"

"Away with you, charlatan," the lady shouted back in reply to him. "Take this man away from here," she shouted to her horsemen, "for he is a liar and knows nothing of the presence of God or the heart of Jesus. If he knew the heart of Jesus, he could not have been in the presence of this woman and not felt something for her."

And yeah- I forget the 'punchline' at the end - how it exactly goes (which ruins the 'joke')... it's that last bit of the story that has the power, that shows you what is really important. It was a sort of an open ended statement though - something that made you not 100% sure what the guy was supposed to feel (which maybe shows something in my character), but yeah.... in the story, the guy figures his 'test' is about whether or not he's going to commit any sins.... his model of the Christian life is one of 'holiness' and 'righteousness' and so he assumes the 'test' is one of will power, one of the ability to look temptation in the face and turn away from it without giving in. Thus a victory for this guy is 'not sinning' (i.e. not doing something which breaks some obvious law thing - in this case, having sex with the prostitute).

For the wise, older lady, the Christian life, and really, the heart of Jesus, is about love. It's about tenderness, compassion, kindness, selflessness, respect - all of the multiple facets of love.... So for her, the test of true discipleship, the test of whether or not someone really knows Jesus is simply, do they love..... I love the open ended nature of the story 'cause the guy could've come out saying just about anything & she would've let him stay... he could've come out weeping, crying for the struggles the prostitute faced. He could've came out frustrated at his powerlessness to help the woman. He could've come out joyful & radiant that he was able to spend time in the woman's presence and to experience her uniqueness. He could've, I think, even come out after having slept with the woman, having let passion mix with compassion to where he gave himself to the woman as an act of love..... he could've come out saying anything, anything remotely resembling love, anything that involved feeling something for this woman, and the lady would've supported his pursuit of the heart of God....

The story makes me wonder about our priorities in the church (not epic specifically, but 'the church' as a whole). Often we seem so preoccupied with doing 'right' and not committing 'sins', that we commit the 'greater' sins of withholding love from one another. We entertain our own idolatry, where we become the center of our universes. Where every aspect of life becomes a self-serving act in our pursuit of 'holiness'... and we cloak it all in great theologically correct terms that really just become a mask for our pride - a pride which wants to see us in a place where we don't 'need', where we don't 'fail' or 'fall'... of where we are past the point of stumbling.... and it's so odd.... the message of the cross is that humanity is fallen, that we cannot live perfect, flawless, sinless, holy lives on our own & that is why the perfect, flawless, sinless, holy One had to die to give us, through grace, His righteousness - his 'rightness'.... and so our idolatry of self, our quest for 'holiness' often becomes a denial of the cross, and a rejection of the work of Jesus and the Holy Spirit in our lives...

... I find as I walk in the world of the non-Christians, so many of them put me to shame in truly loving. These are the people for whom sin is a foreign concept. They have little to no concept of guilt or shame (and even less of 'holiness') for they live in a world where the rules of 'right' and 'wrong' are either not present, blurred, or simply broken down into the concept of "well, if I'm not hurting someone, what does it matter what I do?".... and yeah, it's all messy & lots of loose ends and imperfect and whatever, but, man, I've seen them love... I mean really love - really show compassion for others, really give themselves, heart and soul, to another person - to try their best to love them... and yeah, often it blows up, often it doesn't work out for them. Often they show anger & hate & cause hurt as much or more than they love, but some days... it's brilliant - blindingly, stunningly, amazingly brilliant, the way that they love, the way that the heart of God shines through their hearts & they have no idea that it's even Him, other than the good feelings left behind....

...and yeah, we Christians do that, too, sometimes... but some days I just worry about us as we get caught up in trying to "do the right thing".... It's too bad really. I've met lots of people who seem to not sin very much. Usually they seem kind of fake to me and, at the best of times, well, I just can't relate to them, so I sort of tune them out.... some days I wish I could be them, but know that I'm not very good at obedience, so yeah.... I just quit before trying..... but yeah, I can't think of one 'holy' person who's really changed my life.... but I've met broken people, sinful people, people ruined by life, or people just trying to get by the best they know how... but they've been people who've had the courage to love - some of whom have had the courage to love me with all my prickly bits. It's been these people who have shook me, who have changed me, who have reflected to me the life of the Holy One - the One who was and is the raging hurricane of love, the one who feels everything we feel, the One who loves all perfectly, unconditionally, passionately.... and yeah, I think that it is this love that truly shows us as 'Christians', as Christ's, far more than our 'lack' of sin.