Becoming All Flame

Been looking through some old data archives looking for some song lyrics to save me typing out some things. On the way, I found a couple of quotations I'd copied down from Jeff Imbach's "The River Within" - a book which I read while wandering through Ireland & learning how to breathe again. I've since lost or loaned out the book & so should probably pick up another copy. Too bad, too, I think I had my copy signed by the author. But anyhow, that's a rabbit trail....

Even though I haven't seen the book in years, the imagery of this story has been haunting me of the last number of months:

Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, “Abba,
as far as I can, I say my [daily] office, I fast a little, I pray
and meditate. I live in peace as far as I can. I purify my
thoughts. What else can I do?”

Then the old man stood up, stretched his arms towards
heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he
said to him, “If you want, you can be all flame.”
- from the writings of the Desert Masters
(quoted in Jeff Imbach’s “The River Within”)

This image of suddenly becoming 'all flame' has been burning in my mind. Part of it is from the occasional times where I maybe really see the friends around me. There have been a few times in my life where I have looked at someone & seen them - in my mind's eye, not physically, but the revelation was no less tangible - become 'all flame' or maybe rather 'all light'... I sort of remember some cheesy Star Trek the next Generation episode where one person 'evolves' into this being of pure energy & (as much as I hate to make the comparison), it's reminded me of that.

For me it's this thing where you suddenly see past the veil of flesh & look square into the million-sun brightness of the truth of who someone really is; a being infinitely loved by God, a being who is made in the image of God & indwelt by the overwhelming glory of God's presence... It's a breathtaking sight, it steals all words & ability to speak, but it's this moment where you get the sense that you're seeing something that is always present, but you just never take the time to really 'see' it...

... Further than that, though, I believe a reality of where we as humans, as those touched by God, are destined for great things. I think we limit ourselves substantially, don't really see the fire of Presence within us & so we never really bother trying to let it out. We, like Abba Lot, go through the motions of religious practice, trying constantly to shape & mold ourselves into some image of what we think God will want.... and in it, we miss what Abba Joseph knows, that the fire of God's presence blazes in us uncontrollably. We don't need to contort ourselves to remake ourselves in His image, we have to stop & realize that we are made in His image, are His image in many ways. We don't have to try to do stuff to fire ourselves up, we have to realize that the fire is within & let it burn out of control (which is sort of scary for us - as burning bushes, messengers of God, we have a hard time believing that the fire can burn & yet the bush is not consumed)....

... but this is ultimately where I want my faith to grow to (& by that I mean, I want to 'labour' to enter into that rest of living out of the truth of my being, the truth of being in Christ, as opossed to living out of the many false images, false identities I wear to impress/placate people around me); I want to be 'all flame', so entwined with Christ that we become 'one' - the marriage of diety & humanity, the word becoming flesh. All of this is stuff that He does as oppossed to me working up a 'god complex' (which I try to do some days)... but yeah, I'm not really sure what it all means some days, but the imagery paints a tantalizing picture for me.....

& yeah, every so often I stick my hand up in the air to see if anything starts to burn....

Also found this poem from the book, too. It's a great little poem. Definitely from a male Canadian perspective, but it's a very good perspective & poem.... I love seeing the playfulness of God in this, the intimacy of our relationship with Him & also the wild parts of being with a good who is "not safe, but is good"....

What if God and I
danced
and we tumbled doing flips
and got up and wrestled
until one of us said
“Uncle!”

and we leaned back to back
staring into the evening
pressing against each other and
savouring the warmth between us?

And what if God took the initiative
and sent me flying
down the sloping grass
or tied my shoelaces together
while I snoozed

And we played hockey
and I creamed God into the boards
to get even for all the times
I had the puck stolen and

was left
spinning while He deked
past me
and scored into the open net?

- by Jeff Imach