Single white male seeks relationship.....

So have been thinking that I need to get into the internet dating world again. Just looking to find someone & realizing that my circle of friends is maybe not going to get any bigger without me trying to do something to expand it.

My previous experiences with internet dating have been pretty mixed. Met maybe a couple of really nice people (and the odd crazy - that is 'odd' as in an odd number as opposed to just one person that was both odd & crazy, though I think I met her, too). More of an issue was just the painfulness and unnaturalness of the whole process. In the last go round, I was trying internet dating and looking to buy a new car at around the same time. In the end I started putting together spreadsheets for both car selection and dating selection. You know, basically weighing out the pros & cons of each of the makes & models out there and trying to figure out which ones I should 'test drive'.... yeah, oddly enough kind of sickening....

...in the end I bought a car & really like the car....and i'm still single. Didn't really end up going on too many dates.... found that finding the best sounding profile means nothing. Romance is that mystery thing of where you either click with someone or you don't.

The whole thing of internet dating feels sort of degrading, though it's maybe one of the few ways to meet people these days as our communities are non-existent and we grow more & more isolated in our north american insanity. Again, one of the challenges is how do you judge a person by their profile? And on the flip side, what do you put in your profile? Reveal too little & you sound like everyone else out there. Reveal too much and you sound either odd crazy, desperate or well, naked & overexposed...

So, when it has come time to put together a new dating profile for this go round, I've been stuck for months on this question of what to put in a profile. What do i say about myself? Me who is so used to listening to other people's stories and seeing/helping others see the significance of their lives, I have forgotten how to hear my own story.... and so yeah, i was at a loss til one day in church I was thinking about it all and heard the phrase "once upon a time...." in my head...

...and so I felt that was an encouragement to tell my story in a profile. To try to distill 37 years of life into 2000 characters or so. This took a while to get around to & to let the story work itself out. But, last Saturday in the middle of a quiet morning at home, the story worked it's way out...

...and now that it's out, all the urges for internet dating, etc. have been sort of taken away.... (which is maybe just as well since they don't seem to be able to put my profile picture up).... I'm kind of back to being contented being me and more willing to let life come as it may.

In the end, I think I'm the one that needs to fall in love with me before I maybe find a woman who does. Looking at my 'story', I think, "man, that guy's weird, but I'd date him".... I know it sounds silly, but there's something healing in that.

Anyhow, here's my story/profile:

Once upon a time, a son was born to a carpenter who wanted to farm & to his beautiful bride who longed to teach children to read. The son & his 2 brothers were raised in the flatlands where they were taught to love God, love people, ive simply, give generously, stand up for the oppressed & savour the richness & beauty of the land that sheltered & fed them. As the boy grew he lived full of dreams; dreams of experiencing adventures, battling injustice & finding true love. As the boy grew to a teen he found the world was not as he was told; that image, popularity & conformity were valued over adventure, justice & love. The boy felt lost in this new world &, while he tried to fit in, he found himself more and more alone. As the boy grew into a man he continued to wrestle with this duality, splitting his time between a 'respectable' job & the dreams of his youth. In the wrestle, the man would spend increasing amounts of time trying to minister to the poor, to inspire creatives, to awaken hunger for truth in the hearts of people, to walk alongside the broken in their dark valleys and point them to light. All this 'trying' continued until one year when his God relentlessly tore it all away until all that was left was the man & God's relentless love for him.

Since then, the man has been learning. Learning to live in wonder, to see beauty that makes his heart ache, to find joy in each moment, to celebrate again the simple things and the rich gift of life. Learning to be; to let life flow out of who he is instead of trying to be someone else. Learning to find rest. Learning to live in hunger and to embrace ache without fear. Learning to be loved & learning to love relentlessly. Learning to dream again...

And the boy who grew into a man still dreams of finding true love; of a best friend and equal partner in adventure, life, battle and ministry. His search for her continues to this day.....