Pillow Talk

This maybe doesn't fit well with the seriousness of my mood right now (see the post below).... but had a thought while staring at my computer screen last night that one of the many things I look forward to having when I'm with someone/married is pillow talk. This place of being able to end (& maybe start) your day next to someone you love, to share your heart of hearts & summarize/bookend your day sharing the final or opening thoughts of the day with someone who your story matters to & whose story matters to you.....

...had a thought that maybe this is why i delay going to bed for so long. I'm looking for those moments for the last thoughts of the day to filter through... Once i hit the pillow, I drift into the subconscious quickly.... Sort of psuedo realized that maybe I should turn these things to prayer & let God be my 'pillow talk' buddy instead of just filtering through my own thoughts while staring blankly at the comptuer screen while playing solitaire or reversi....

...anyhow, hope you all, single or couples, have a fantastic Valentine's day. I'm really, really happy about Valentine's day tomorrow. I'm sort of psuedo-celebrating not being interested in any one, in not having any 'potentials' on the radar & being free to just be single & sort of throw away the longings for finding someone... I have seldom lived in this place & I'm trying to prolong it for a while... I have lived most of my life single, but have had a tendency to go from crush to crush.... holding on to the ideas of 'potential' women like they were some security blanket.... some faint hope that I won't die alone 'cause this or that person is out there & maybe they'll like me... Right now I'm just trying to concentrate on liking myself without crutches...

But yeah, this somehow makes me really happy about Valentine's day 'cause I see it as a celebration of love &, man, if there's anything that should be celebrated it's love... Love's the greatest gift we give & receive.... & receive in the giving/give in the receiving, whatever...

It's just nice to be free to celebrate this with the rest of humanity instead of doing the "woe is me, poor single me" stuff that I may have done in the past....