How to know you’ve been single far too long…..

A year or two back I was sort of shocked when my dad suggested I attempted pursuing some woman that appeared to be much younger than me. Dad’s response was something to the effect of ‘well, if she’s over 20 it’s OK’

Tonight, on the day of my 34^th birthday, he tried to point me in the direction of a gal who maybe is 18….a whopping 16 year age gap between us….

Guess I’d better get on that internet dating thing so my parents stop worrying….

Happy Birthday to Me....

The large majority of the major marker dates in the calendar (birthdays, new years, Christmas, easter, etc.) tend to be non-events in my life. For others, from what I hear, they’re time of great significance, of where there is clarity of moment, or something that marks a transition from one chapter to the next. For me, it doesn’t seem to work that way. ‘Important’ days become for me, well, pretty much another day.

Today, my 34^th birthday was much the same thing. I awoke at, oh, 5:45 AM BC time to the noise of everyone else being up ‘cause the niece is up. My watch was still on Alberta time so I figured quarter to 7 was nearly OK time to be up, but yeah, the world had shifted to BC time. An uncle phoned with news of another uncle’s health condition & wished me a happy birthday as well, which prompted the rest of my family here to wish me a happy birthday.

The rest of the day was low key. Church for 2+ hours in the AM & 1.5+ in the PM. Lunch, hanging with the niece, etc. Cake for lunch (& I suck at blowing out candles anymore). Late supper & sugar crashing after church. Followed by reading & everyone heading to bed at 9.

So yeah, I feel a bit ungrateful, but the day just didn’t feel ‘wow’ to me. Didn’t feel like much of a moment to celebrate me. Mostly here the focus is on the niece, as it should be. She’s got parent’s who love her, grandparents who adore here & an uncle (me) who’s pretty impressed by the crazy little kid. Honestly, the highlights of the day was seeing that my niece is growing in a community where she is loved deeply & to hear a guy praise my brother for how good, wise, faithful & kind a man that he is.

But yeah, there are moments where I wish I really did stuff to celebrate my life. I don’t know what they’d be – I think I keep looking for some ‘it’s a wonderful life’ moment that explains all the reasons I’m here & shows that my life has made some kind of positive impact on the planet &, more importantly, those I love around me. In reality though, I get really awkward & uncomfortable when people start to talk about me – especially when they’re saying good things about me.

I had a lovely early-birthday supper on Friday night with my wonderful friend Sharon, but even there she had to convince me (though it didn’t take much convincing) that I should let her do something nice for me instead of me trying to turn the evening into something more for her (which is what I would’ve done left to my own devices).

So yeah, kind of mopey & whiny (wingeing – love that word!) right now. Not much, but enough to be in sort of a pity-party mood. Kari’s mom used to always try to tell me I needed to do something nice for myself sometimes & I sort of never knew what to do with that. I have all my introvert stuff that I sneak off & do & that’s OK, but yeah, it’s amazing that I have trouble defining sometimes what I ‘like’…. Perhaps a lot of it stems from the reality that the deepest sense of joy I experience comes in seeing the people I love really walk into the fullness of who they are; seeing that light bulb turn on & their eyes flashing when they realize just how beautiful their life is & how amazing they are….

…and yeah, I sometimes get moments like that for myself, too…. But I think they get lost sometimes in pursuing that for others… who knows.

Anyhow, enough winge-ing for one day…. Will try to be more celebratory tomorrow.

Defiance

Often I figure I want kids & figure, after years or working with teens through church, etc., that I may actually know a bit of what I’m doing.

Then I spend time with actual kids & realize I have no idea.

Been hanging with the niece & seeing my bro discipline her for her acts of defiance – the little temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. And yeah, I have no idea what I’d do…. I fully realize that kids have to be trained, that kids (and adults) need to learn respect, need to learn that they can’t always get what they want, that not all choices are good or best choices (sticking your fingers in an electrical socket, not such a good choice – not that my niece is trying anything like that, it’s just an example).

But yeah, there’s a part of me that wants my kids to retain defiance. I don’t mean I want them to rebel against any authority, I want my kid(s) to be responsible & respectful & treat others with decency, respect & love. But there is an aspect where all of us as humans must have the ability, the drive, the courage to stand up for what we believe is right – even if that means being defiant.

The most valuable thing my parent’s taught me was to question; especially to question people in authority. I was raised with the value that people are just people, we all make mistakes & don’t always know what’s the right thing to do. Because of this, no one can stand up & tell us exactly what to do or how to live our lives or what to think. We have to be the ones who are responsible for our own choices, for our own thoughts & values. We have to question what we’re told. We have to search for truth & look to find out whether what the ‘experts’ tell us is real or just ‘spin’….

I value this ‘defiance’, this unwillingness to just smile & nod & accept what those in authority tell us is ‘right’. It’s gotten me into trouble. It basically got me ousted from Bible school after a month (it was my choice to leave, but this was after being told I had a ‘contentious spirit’ and was acting like I was there ‘to teach & not to learn’). It continues to get me into trouble at church a lot. And yeah, even though my parent’s instilled this value in me, it led to many years where we were at odds ‘cause I was walking a path that didn’t seem to be the one they wanted/expected for me.

The ‘defiance’ is hardest & most unappealing when following your heart means going against/hurting/causing conflict in relationships with those that you most want to please, those you wish would just be happy for you or proud of you….

I think a lot of my relationship with God is characterized by this ‘defiance’. I argue with Him a lot. I talk back a lot. I actually treat God fairly badly & without a ton of trust & respect. I’m always questioning what he has to say – mostly I want to understand, want to find the ‘whys’ of it all. Deep down I trust that He can put up with my anger or mistrust or bitterness. Deep down I trust that He is good, it’s just so hard to see some days when the circumstances of the world around us (war, disaster, famine, death, violence, disappointment, despair, injustice, etc.) seems so far from His ‘control’, His bringing good to the planet. & so I argue with him or grump with him… mostly he listens quietly & waits for me to vent it out like a spoiled child waving their fists & stamping the ground in my little temper tantrum. Then he usually waits a while & shows me stuff to sort of answer the questions – nothing that ever makes the questions go away forever, but just enough to sort of make me go, yup, you still seem to know what you’re doing….

…I like to think that He enjoys that part of our relationship – that he likes that I want to understand who he is, why he does what he does. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve had lots of people in church tell me I question too much & should just accept things on faith…. But yeah, I like the questioning. I love the story of Jacob who wrestled this loosing battle with the angel. I’m fine with being proven wrong. I’m fine with finding out I could’ve just trusted & avoided all the conflict & stress, but I long to wrestle with Him, to try to see His face in the darkness & to hear Him bless me & rename me and to explain the majesty of who He is….

Therapy Results

Way back on Feb 18, I left a post titled "Therapy" about working on a piece of pottery painting at the Kilnary arts studio in Calgary. Here is the results of that work; a gift for a very dear friend:

trip conclusions

Ahhhh, nice relaxing day. Good way to wrap up the vacation. Went with Preston to grab a bunch of souvenirs - did an efficient job of going through the stores & going through money (ah, keeps the economy going). Then to the mall for lunch & a matinee showing of "V for Vendetta" - fantastic movie which left both of us with a ton of questions & thoughts (there will likely be a good rant coming on this at some later date). Then back to the hotel to pack & relax, then a yummy supper at Mi Tierra's finished off by sopapillas for desert. Now just chillin' at the hotel & off to bed soon.

It's been good - very nice to get away for a while. Looking forward to being home, too.

Day at the zoo

Rather Calvin & Hobbes - esque pictures of Preston....













Not much to say.

Good day at the zoo seeing lots of cool animals. Braved the reptile house & stared some snakes in the eyes - though was all jumpy at everything that brushed my legs, etc. Coolest stuff was seeng a huge Komodo dragon and a beautiful jaguar all pacing the cage. Lots of fantastic things to see & burned through another set of batteries in the camera.

Had to laugh at some of the lack of knowledge with some of the people. I didn't know what a lot of the animals were, but it was funny to listen to the experts quoting what something was when I could read the sign & see that they were wrong. One mom was telling her kid that the creature in one pen was a hyena like something off the lion king & I'm reading the sign that says 'aardwolf'. Preston heard a tree kangaroo called everything from a wombat to a tree rat.

Though there was a little girl who was all jumping up & down 'cause she got to see her favorite animal - an ocelot, so that indicates at least one semi-educated child.

Sort of a sad thing though when the big cats, top of the food chain in the jungle, are reduced to being called 'pretty' by random onlookers coo-ing about the animals.

Another funny story - Preston sees this sign & start's talking about this 'special animal' called a 'Kirk's Dik-dik'. Needless to say this concerned me since I don't like showing my dik-dik in public, but yeah, it turned out to be this little deer thing....

Sorry, couldn't resist the joke.

Sometimes got to hear the parents all hyping everything up, trying to act super excited. Not sure if they were excited or if they were just pretending in order to psyche up the kids that this was 'fun'. Honestly, kids shouldn't need to be advertised to - kids should still have enough wonder in them that they should be naturally amazed about things without needing to have all the hype of advertisement. It's us grown-ups that need to be convinced or wonder (though I think hype & flash/sizzle is overrated for us, too).

Ended the day with supper at the Irish Pub (ah, it's St. Paddy's day) with yummy shepherd's pie. They were dying the river green, but yeah, it looked only slightly more of a murky green than it did normally.

Tomorrow should be a nice quiet day. Souvenir shopping & maybe catching a movie - just doing something quiet & not active so we (or at least our legs/feet) can feel a bit more rested before coming home. (which we're sort of looking forward to).

Symbols & sore legs

Another bullet point description of the day (so much easier than real thought/organized writing - and I'm enjoying the novelty of adding pictures to the blog):

- started the day at the 'Spanish Governors Mansion' - it's listed by National Geographic as one of the most beautiful buildings in San Antonio &, really, it's kind of dingy & small & dumpish - oh well, it only cost $1.50, so you can't go too wrong there.

- wandered around the market places with Preston looking for potential souvenirs. The day outside was overcast, but still pretty warm & our legs were starting to get tired already after only a couple of hours of walking - guess we/I am just not used to that much walking/standing.

- had Fajita's for two at Mi Tierra's - Preston's first experience with Fajitas - yummy

- Took the bus down to Mission San Jose, the biggest mission of the 5 missions in San Antonio. The thing is massive - huge compound area with all kinds of trees, etc. in the middle. There are 2-3 wells around the compound, they've set up an aqueduct with a water wheel/mill for grinding flour. And then there is a massive church building in the middle that is simple, yet beautiful/kind of majestic. Toured around here for quite a while & burned out a set of batteries snapping pictures

- After the tour at the Mission San Jose, we took the bus/walked to the Mission Concepcion which was a bit smaller than the Mission San Jose. Still interesting, but by this time our legs were getting super tired & we were feeling pretty done for the day.

- at the missions they had some things about the symbols that get painted into/included in the architecture. The architecture, apparently, was to be a living story to help explain things to the natives that were being converted. Though the symbols had some weird (or rather unfamiliar to me) meanings. Pomegranates were used to symbolize some kind of fertility thing (Pomegranates were symbols in the old testament that I never understood - they were worn on the high priest's robes, included in the temple architecture & used to describe a woman's temples (I think) in Song of Songs, but I never understood what they meant). They said that shells symbolized baptism - and there are a bunch of shells over doorways in the architecture - and I had no idea how shells symbolized baptism until I saw a picture of a priest pouring water over a native and the water was held in a shell - so yeah, interesting how some of the Christian traditions were adapted to the new culture they were in.

Being at the missions brought up all kinds of questions for me about faith, missions, etc. In some ways these missions represent all of the worst of Christian missions - the missions were both a spiritual & military/political presence in the area. The missions were a fortified area with gun ports in the walls & the bell tower of the mission is the highest point in the territory & a great vantage point to survey any approaching armies. As much as I whine about america & stuff, I really am starting to admire their conviction of sticking to a separation between church & state - usually when the church starts making political decisions, it's bad (very bad) because people start assume God is backing their decisions to take over a nation or kill/enslave people.

The whole conversion thing brings all kinds of questions. In theory introducing people to Jesus is a great thing. Especially when it's an introduction & then people are given the chance to either fall in love with Jesus or walk away from Him out of their own free will. I worry about (or hate) the places where conversions are forced or made with the wrong reasons (e.g. out of fear, out of wanting to get something). The missions did great things in bringing farming, new technology to the natives to improve their quality of life (though I guess it's always debatable about whether the natives were better off before or after the white men/spaniards came). But yeah, what happens if, in order to get the new technology, you had to convert to some new god? That seems sort of unfair/wrong.

And yeah, one of the notes at the missions indicated that, while the franciscans tried their best to explain Christianity to the natives, a lot of natives 'converted' without really understanding anything. The Franciscans tried to integrate Christianity into the existing culture, telling the christmas story of Christ's birth through the dances of the native's winter festival, but some of the natives basically took this as just an add on to their religion, not something new or different at all.

At the mission Concepcion, the door frame is supposed to be all carved with the story of the franciscans (including the rope that franciscans wear around their habits, five leaves to symbolize the stigmata (marks of christ's wounds in the hands, feet & side) that supposedly St. Francis had, etc.) & a covenant that this mission was dedicated to defend with force (?) the doctrine of the immaculate conception. And then in the middle of all this 'christian' symbolism, apparently one of the native builders/artisans slipped in an image of some old Aztec god into the middle of the door frame.

So yeah, just leaves me with questions. I figure 'the truth', in some great universal concept, if it is to be true, it should be true in all places, all cultures, for all time. And so it's hard for me to understand how to communicate 'the truth' (assuming I know any of that at all) to people from a different culture when perhaps my understanding of 'the truth' is coloured by the culture I've grown up in.

I've heard tell that the mexican natives - even with the Aztecs in the middle of their human sacrifice - expected white people to come to them on a boat with great sails to bring them this message of a Saviour, of a God of love who would remove the need for the sacrifices (or something to that effect). Culturally, they were ready for Christianity, ready for Jesus. But instead what they got was the spanish empire looking to expand their reach for territory, and for gold....

- The pictures today kind of took a bit of a theme today. Lots of doors, wells/fountains & trees. All of which, as far as I know, symbolize Jesus (been thinking that most of the symbols I know the meanings for in the bible tend to symbolize some aspect of Jesus's person or life - been thinking a bit about how much Jesus is the true center of real christianity - so much stuff gets messed up in christianity when we start to wander from Him as 'the truth').

- While waiting for the bus, got to talk with Raymond, some native/mexican who joined us at the bus stop & talked to us of his jail time & which areas of the city are safer/less safe than others. Interesting perspective on things though a bit unnerving.

- Spent some time wandering through the King William Historic area - lots of big fancy old houses. Was accosted by a really persistent stray cat who was starving & kept rubbing up against our legs looking for food. The cat would not leave us alone & walked with us for 2 blocks until finally some lady came out of a house to feed it (though she was wondering if we wanted to take it home with us).

- the italian restaurant we wanted to go to looked closed, so we went to a different one for the evening - by this time our legs were totally wiped out & yeah, after supper we just went home to rest our weary legs. Tried swimming a bit, but the water was really cold. Was trying to teach myself how to froggy kick, but that wasn't working so well, so gave up & came in to have a nice warm bath to try to relax the weary legs....

Off to the zoo tomorrow. My arms at least are looking a bit brown/red - so that's kind of nice.

Up, down, impatient day

Quick update of activities (don't feel like writing much more tonight - that last blurb was my deep thoughts for the day:

- took a look around a beautiful Mexican/Texan marketplace outside our hotel - lots of cool souvenier type stuff there.

- Preston was off at noon & so we went to the buckhorn saloon for lunch (another yummy chili burger). It looks like an old wild west saloon in there. Food was good. Preston had 'chicken fried steak'. They also had 'chicken fried chicken' there, all of which sounds rather silly, but apparently 'chicken fried' is a cooking style as opposed to a descriptor of the type of meat. The lines were long to get the food & I was hungry & grumpy & impatient.

- The saloon had some museum stuff in it - some old west displays & then a bunch of horns & taxedermied animals - kind of cool - most of it would probably be illegal to have if you were trying to get them today.

- Went to the Alamo which was a bit disappointing. It's still nice - but it's basically just a big open area inside the alamo building/chapel - a few little displays, but nothing really there. The grounds around the alamo are nice, but yeah, I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it.

- Went on the river tour - that was fun - the boat driver was hilarious & gave a great & informative tour.

- Went to "La Villita" the artisan village, some cool stuff, but a tad pricey.

- Wandered around the river walk & into one of the cathedrals. Nice time to wander & chat with Preston.

- Ended the day at Pat O'Brian's cajun restaurant with crazy, loud, annoying drunk people sitting one table over & screaming & whooping & hollering. Then there was the cool waiter guy who could balance trays of food or multiple trays of drinks on his head & walk around with them - very amazing. The food was not bad. Had some alligator bites - yummy though a bit chewy - and Preston & I ordered some crawfish cakes & crawfish etouffe (which was supposed to look like a big crawfish cake with sauces on it). What I got didn't look right & I tried to get a hold of a waitress to confirm, but they weren't around & then finally appeared & abruptly told me it was the right dish. So I ate it, wondering why my crawfish looked like tiny shrimp & yeah, in the end I think I had the shrimp creole dish, but along the way I left my brother shocked & concerned at my response to the whole thing.

Guess that was the day - maybe hitting the "mission trail" tomorrow.

@#%$ Americans - or wait, maybe not.....

"That's what you do to deer, son. After you shoot them you hang them on the wall" - Dad to boy in the Buckhorn Saloon

"This is a family owned & operated business business. No indians, no paki's, no foreigners. We only have real americans working here." - guy in hat store

"All Glory to God (with picture of football). Play hard. Live for Christ" - caption on girl's T-shirt

I don't like admitting that I'm bigotted, but often I guess I am. I have some biases towards Americans - some from the traditional Canadian pastime of US-bashing (which gets a little sickening by the way), some of it from just what I've seen (had some american's in Belfast long ago voicing their desire to get back to the U.S. of A soon 'cause there was nothing to see/do in Ireland - which I thought was crazy).

Being here in the land of Texas is interesting. It's a chance to be an observer & witness to a small cross section of Texas culture. On the plus side, I've seen lots of friendly people. I still make eye contact with people here - not sure if I should - and normally I find a smile & nod back. We've had some fantastic waiters/waitresses & in general people have been great.

But yeah, some of it had just been odd. A lot of it comes at breakfast where all the hotel guests wait in line to use the two nifty La Quinta waffle makers. It's just interesting to see the, to use a phrase used for the liberals in the last election, a 'culture of entitlement'. A lot of what annoys me is just seeing people who figure they're the only ones on the planet & the world should stoop to clean their shoes & serve their whims. Part of it is the apparent affluence - people driving big SUVs, wearing the latest & greatest fashion stuff. Some of it is young girls being drama queens & living the illusion of being all important & that everything is a crisis.

Some of what bothers me is seeing the way people seem to associate God/Jesus with the affluence & the U.S. of A. There is almost the unspoken belief that they are rich & 'free' because God likes them, or, of more concern, that because they are rich & one of the most powerful nations in the world, they are therefore 'right' - with God, with everything. & yeah, that just scares me. I think part of a healthy spirituality is to recognize your smallness - to look up at the great expanse of space that stretches to infinity, to look at the complexity of our makeup, the marvel of a single cell, or a single atom - to truly see the world around you & recognize that, for as much as you know, understand, control or conquer, you really know very little, are in control of very little, understand very little of the big picture.

I think part of spirituality is admitting that you don't know things, that you aren't all-powerful & therefore you look to find someone who is greater, who does (hopefully) know it all.....

but yeah, it scares me to see a people who figure they're completely 'right' with everything they think or do.

But today, in the middle of some internal grumping about americans, I saw a little girl choke on some of her food & her dad, one of these Americans that I was being all bigoted towards & assuming he was all pompous, etc, he has to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on her to get the food out. After this the girl is all scared & hurt & he just sits there holding her, her sobbing face buried in his chest, his eyes full of concern for her & he just sat there with her, letting his food get cold, not rushing her to feel better, but just holding her like she was the most precious thing, the only thing, on the planet.

And yeah, it made me realize again that people are just people. We are at our best when we live in love - in the giving & receiving of tenderness to each other. We are at our worst when we are selfish & treat others as objects instead of people (I did enough of that today - you can ask my brother & he can tell you how he was all shocked at my impatience with people). All of us have the capacity to give love or withhold love and all of us do a little of each in our days. Hopefully we grow towards love.....

My what big teeth you have....

Finally got Preston's other bag - it arrived from it's world travels at our hotel at about 3PM yesterday.

Made the long trek out to Sea World yesterday. Got to the gate & waded through the lines of people to buy a ticket only to find that single day, single adult tickets cost $50US.... so yeah, thought about turning around at that point, but figured I'd managed to make it this far, I might as well stay, so I paid the money & tried to make the time 'worth my while'....

...money puts a funny set of expectations on anything you do. The part of me that worries about money & economics (likely not that big a part of me) gets into accountant mode & starts sifting through every experience, every moment to decide if the experience was worth the cost. That mental audit seems to rob a lot of the moments of value & joy because you're weighing everything against a dollar amount

And so I wandered with me the accountant, me the small child, me the introvert, me the artist & likely all the other facets that make up me. Sometimes all the parts got along, sometimes the voices in my head couldn't come to a consensus on things.

Sea world is made up primarily of three things: marine exhibits, shows & rides. You're likely getting a good deal with the $50 if it includes all of those & you're able to enjoy each of those. I'm not a rides guy at all (the child, accountant & worrier in me all get a bit terrified on rides), & so that cuts out a third of what there is to enjoy.

So I wandered to see the marine exhibits which were fantastic, but the artist was upset 'cause I couldn't figure out how to take quality pictures of the animals, but yeah, the child enjoyed watching sting rays float effortless through the water, like great alien birds sailing through some strange universe of blue. Got to watch a tank full of 6-7 foot long sharks, all gliding along. It's funny how the menace of sharks is still there even when they're caged behind glass & steel. The little kids would jump the barriers & stand right next to the glass to be as close as possible to the sharks 'cause they're 'cool', but there'd still be a tremble, a puling away ready to run, every time the sharks would pass by. They are great & terrible creatures - full of a terrible beauty, they are powerful & with an extra flick of their tail, they can turn or speed away. They are made to hunt & kill & so the child both stands in awe & fear of these monsters of the deep - both fascinated & afraid of them.

Went to the Shamu/killer whale show. Showed up an hour early to make sure I got a seat & yeah, it was pretty cool - they had four killer whales in the tank at once & it was a pretty great show - though I never seemed to get the camera in the right place at the right time to truly capture the amazing moments. The child liked the show & was wowed by the massiveness of the black & white whales, amazed by how fast they could move & how they could launch themselves (or launch their trainers & themselves) from the deeps into the air so effortlessly. The dreamer spent some time crying 'cause the theme of the whole thing (as cheesy as it may have been) was all about 'believing' and following dreams & believing dreams come true, etc. etc. & yeah, somewhere along the way, the dreamer (and maybe the child) feel they've lost some of the ability to do that....

Lots of other displays - moray eels, dolphins, seals & sea lions. But i got tired of the lines, tired of all the noisy, screaming children & noisy, screaming parents yelling at their children. Got tired of the light happy calming music played from speakers disguised as rocks intended to keep the mood light & fun - all it really did was drive the introvert nuts. In the end I just got tired & decided to leave, skip seeing the penguins & the alligators (the only other things I really wanted to see) & head off.

Part of the problem was the $50 thing - if I'd paid $20, I would've had a blast & likely would've stayed longer. But I just couldn't figure out how to make the day worth $50 & not run myself ragged going to everything. Part of it, too, was that I really loved & was totally amazed by the Vancouver aquarium (much quieter & less expensive than sea world) & so I end up comparing everything here against my experiences there

Oh, one other hightlight of the day was lunch - stood in line for 30-45 minutes to wait for a 'Texas Chili Cheeseburger' - got to put my own 'fixin's' on it, so loaded it up with a ton of pickles & some lettuce & tomatoes & yum, yum - it was delicious - had to eat it with a knife & fork 'cause it was so messy, but yeah, very yummy - finished off with strawberries & whipped cream for desert....

After leaving sea world (the artist & introvert just wanting to find some place quiet so it could listen to mp3 versions of a Neko Case CD I'd picked up a bit ago), I rode the noisy & chaotic bus system around San Antonio to track down a Wal-mart both to look for G.I. Joes (which was pretty picked through by the time I got there - I picked up one item & that was it) and to buy some new shorts. The ones I'd brought down with me, well, let's just say I've 'grown into' them & they, uhm, don't leave a lot to the imagination & are sort of uncomfortable (and possibly indecent) as I wander around in them.... So yeah, now have nice presentable shorts for dudes with, uhm, bigger bottoms like me.

Finished the day with a meal at Mi Tierra's - the mexican place we went to when we first arrived. Had Chalupas - little crispy tortillas shaped like a bowl filled with refried beans, meat, veggies & cheese and Sopapilla's for desert - tortilla's that have been fried in some way that they inside fills with air, so you have this crisp, light pastry surrounding a pocket of air & they cover it with cinnamon, icing sugar & honey - very yummy.

All in all a decent day. The accountant needs to be fired. Or at least gagged while I'm on holidays. Part of my problem is, too, that when I'm in a new place, I feel like I haven't really travelled unless I've seen a million things & so my day becomes this pressure to be on the go constantly - no spare moment that isn't filled with the activity of 'seeing'. I'm getting much better though, learning to listen to myself & to hear the voices of what I want to do - to recognize that rest, reading & just listening to the world around me are more enjoyable than doing all the tourist-y stuff. So I'm settling down a bit. It'll be good to see stuff with Preston. Sounds like he's finished with conference responsibilities at noon so then we can hang out together after that.

Oh & enjoying the "I am the central park jogger" book -read a lot of it yesterday & it's amazing to hear of her recovery both in the physical, but more importantly in the emotional, mental & spiritual...

Ooh, my colon's gonna hate me....

Went to "County Line" BBQ place with Preston tonight. Had the '5 meat platter' - one massive beef rib, 3 pork ribs, slices of beef brisket, sausage & peppered turkey slices, all drenched in a sweet barbeque sauce. Good carnivore meal (though I had a salad to start - though I think the tiny bit of roughage I got from the salad really isn't going to help with that amount of meat sluggishly working it's way through the digestive tract).

Started the day having waffles at the hotel (they have this nifty little do-it-yourself waffle making thing) listening to an interview with Natalie Portman talking about 'V for Vendetta' and how it may be the duty of free people to rise up against their governments if their governments are corrupt. Ended the day being served by a lovely waitress named Angela, who looked a little like Natalie Portman (though it was dark), talking with Preston about terrorism & the Israel/Palestine conflict & his views that a Christian should never pick up the 'sword' to slay another human.... Odd way to book-end the day - don't know what it means, but yeah, thought I'd note the observation.

Wandered around afterwards taking night pictures that didn't really turn out so well, but had a good time doing it while enjoying the lovely night air....

first impressions of San Antonio

Preston & I arrived mid day yesterday in San Antonio, Texas after a long day of flying with a very early start. Flight was Ok, a bit of a rush. We arrived to San Antonio to find they'd lost some of our luggage. Preston checked two bags & I one. Preston's suit bag arrived, the others did not. They got us my bag to me early this morning. Preston's other bag is in West Palm Beach Florida, mixed up with some other Holloway's bag (or something).

After taking a taxi from the airport, we settled into our hotel & grabbed some yummy mexican food from across the street & then went to the conference center to get Preston registered. The conference center sits above the 'River Walk' - the river is one level below the streets & they've set it up so that you can walk along by the river. There's all kinds of neat little outdoor spots along the River walk, including this little bar area that was visible from the conference room windows.

Last night, Preston went to a student mixer at his conference & I did a bit of exploring. Mostly walking around the River Walk area & settling in for another go at one of the busy mexican restaurants that has tables seated right next to the river. The river walk area is cool -very busy in most places, though there seem to be more secluded sections where young couples walk hand in hand & it feels all romantic & such & I try to sneak past the couples hoping to leave them in the illusion that they're the only ones on the planet at that moment in time....

...they also have tour boats going up & down the river during the day - definitely have to try it. I hear the tour guides spouting random factoids as they drive by - sounds like an interesting look at the city & it's history.

Today spent the first part of the morning being all obsessive compulsive & tracking down a store that sells G.I. Joe's (personally I blame Canada Post for their apparent losing of some of my packages - I'm mostly trying to track down stuff that I should've gotten in the mail). Anyhow, that led me on a long bus jaunt northwards to a comic store that, as I found out, sold vintage stuff only. Then I spent some time wandering around a mall for a while trying to track down a wal-mart, etc., but to no avail.

I've been reading the book "I am the central park jogger" on this trip. It's a book that's been an inspiration to a dear friend of mine & I'm finally getting around to reading the copy that I'd borrowed from her a long time ago. It's a heavy book, though filled with promise. It's about a woman, Trisha Meili, who, while jogging through Central Park in New York, was attacked by a gang, brutally beaten, raped & left for dead. They found her barely alive, with massive head trauma from where they caved in her skull to subdue her & they expected that she would not survive, but she did & years after the event, she found the courage to tell her story. Like I said, beautiful to see her life spared & changed, & to see the healing in her life, but yeah, just really hard to read.

It's been affecting me a bit. Last night I had to really work hard to control the tears last night 'cause yeah, I have a lot of gal friends & it's always a fear of mine that one day I'll get the call that a friend's been attacked & so reading this stuff sort of makes me 'live' out some of the pain attached with the situation. Today riding the bus & spent time praying for a pretty young girl putting on her makeup, and for a young hispanic mother with two cute little daughters. Praying just that God would protect them & guard their lives that none of this darkness would ever touch them.

It's cool though to read of the 'connection' of the way that when you love, you suffer with the suffering. It's beautiful to read about her family, friends & the doctors & medical staff & how that it wasn't just her in pain & fighting for her life, it was the whole of them, all together, one collective will saying, 'live, live' (reminds me of Ezekiel 16) - it's amazing to see her strength, to see her as 'Lady Courage', but it's amazing, too, to see the way the pain was shared, the hurt defeated through love & to see the strength of will & strength of faith (in a perhaps religious, but mostly non-religious) sense that brought her through. It was interesting to see her doctor's heart. His daughter had been raped at gunpoint months before Trisha's attack & so, almost because of that, he worked tirelessly to bring her back from the edge as an act of defiance that these criminals wouldn't claim the life of this woman.....

...but yeah, heavy stuff for light days - though I guess that's normal for me.

The afternoon was spent with some sightseeing (including a look outside the Alamo - didn't go in - it was too busy & besides, figured I'd wait & see it with Preston). It's been less hot today. Yesterday was a scorcher with high humidity. Today was a bit overcast for the morning, but still pretty warm... nice to enjoy the sunshine & palm trees.

San Antonio's beautiful in it's own way - lots of green space. Though it still feels urban & a bit 'dirty' - I think it's from the construction of stone & such - it just gives everything a 'dusty' feel to it. People have been nice. It feels safe/comfortable to walk the streets at night. It's spring break apparently, so lots of teens & their parents wandering around. But yeah, pretty fun time so far. Will try sea world tomorrow (I think).